To My Hell on Earth

So you think you had me fooled? And everyone of my family thought that I had myself fooled by someone like you. You had me, alright. You struck me with the kind of attitude that your mom has. And you defend her with all your heart. Leaving me alone. Hated, mocked, and alone. And so you think you've won the battle? You finally got our family pinned down to the ground? Hell! You really thought that I gave you my all. In which case I did. But I've learned from my mistakes.

...

I wasn't blind when I know that you were just playing your games with me. I just didn't mind them because at the height of our relationship, you were so loving. So... un-you. You had me fooled, alright. With all your pep talks about your ex-es and how they wooed you. With all your arrogance telling me that you've never really courted anyone, it's just that your a chick-magnet. Who are you kidding? And my God, you're really the KING of all LIES. You don't drink, you don't smoke! Hell yeah! You got me.

...

Remember the time, you brought a slut in your room. What a shame, cause I have to be the one to catch you with that low-life whore. You had me creeping all over you, I admit. But what's the deal with your mom, broadcasting to the whole world that I am the one who's after you??? The hell you are. You should've been grateful, that despite every heartache you've caused me, I'm still with you. Let us say, I'm stuck with you.

...

Yes, I'm carrying your child. But then, haven't it occurred to you that I can raise this child alone? And I have to say, I'm no longer afraid to leave you. YOU made my life a living hell. God, you even suck the life out of me. I know I'm not that smart, but I'm wise enough to learn that I can never make you love me the way that I wanted you to love me.

...

Oh, yeah. We really are different. We're two worlds apart and it took me a whole lot to figure that out. LIAR! I should've known you were that. I can't even count the times you've lied to my face. And no, I don't want to believe in you anymore. You really are like you're mother. Selfish. I hope you understand every word I say though. But I guess you wouldn't.

...

I hate you. With every breath of my soul. With every beat of my heart. I hate you. And the more I say it to myself. The more I lie to myself. But I have to hate you because you've cost me more than I could ever bargain. You've cost me my first-born, my family, my education -- my everything.

...

Why can't you have any conscience with you? You manipulative jerk. How the hell can you do this to me? What have I done to you to cause me so much misery, so much hatred and so much pain? I swear to God, I'll make sure that you'll pay for what you've done to me. I know that there will never be a happily-ever-after between us. But I'm not going down without a fight. I hope you get back together with your Ex. You both deserve each other.

To His Mother

I respect you because you're the mother of the one I love. I respect you because you'll be the grandmother of the baby I am carrying. And I respect you because I've been raised by my parents to be respectful to my elders (even if it's really against my will).

...

But how dare you create stories like that? That I'm the one chasing your son through and through time? That I'm the one who's so madly in-love with him and that I'm the one who couldn't live without him? How dare you tell everyone that your son's been working his butt out just to offer me a living. YOU are so wrong (future mother-in-law).

...

Although I'm looking for reasons to break up with your son, I guess, I could NOT. I have his baby and I love him. But not the kind wherein it's one-sided. No Way. He's in-love with me, too. Or so he says. I don't really believe him though. He's done me a lot of damage already, and he already broke my trust once. But let's put that on a later blog. For now, let me talk to you, as his mother. Because you got all your facts wrong. And I never even bothered to correct them out of "respect".

...

I am NOT madly in-love with your son. I do things for some reasons. I pity him, you can say. Where were you when he needed some food? Where were you when he needed a place to stay for a night or two? His job? Let me tell you, I was the one who got him his job. And no, I never bothered him with his oh-so-low-salary because I know that he has lots of obligation to you and your family. You've been bugging him for your birthday present, for his brother's new cellphone or his sister's badminton racket. I don't care what he does with his money. All I care about is that he may live, not just for a day, but for a lifetime.

...

What he has been telling you are all lies. About his pawning his cellphone. About his work. About the slut he slept with when he got drunk after pawning MY cellphone. They're all a bunch of lies. But I still stayed with him. Why? He's got no one else but me. Without me, he would have starved to death. Did you ever care if he gets to eat three times a day? NO. You did not.

...

I pity him. He's got no money, even a single cent. His cellphone got stolen. So he had to make stories up just so that you won't get mad at him. I have to pawn my cellphone and my digital camera just to keep him from starving. His uniform, his allowance, I have to strip them from my own allowance, which was, by the way, reduced by half by my mother because of the stories you made up.

...

I pity your son, because without me, he's got no one. When he's sad, when he needs someone to talk to, someone to turn to, I am there. I am there because I pity him, and I love him. Add that to the fact that he's the father of the child I'm carrying.

...

I am also giving him a second chance. A chance to prove himself to you and all the people who believed that he's a nobody. That he's a total failure. Although some part of me is starting to believe in that because of reasons that only I can disclose in the near future of this blog.

...

For now, I'll end this up here. I'm tired. But I'm not yet sleepy. And by the way, HAPPY MONTHSARY, a-hole.